What If Your Marriage Needs Obedience First?

You can feel it when a marriage reaches that point where you’d do almost anything for a breakthrough. Not the slow kind that takes humility and consistency, but the instant kind. The Miracle Max fix. David and Tracy Sellers start there and get painfully honest about how easy it is to medicate the symptoms of a struggling relationship while avoiding the path that actually leads to marriage healing. If you’ve been living with tension, silence, resentment, or repeating conflict, this conversation aims straight at the heart of it.

We anchor the message in Scripture and in the “miracles of Jesus for your marriage” theme from our Bible for Marriage series. From Jesus’ question at the pool of Bethesda, “Do you want to be made whole?”, to the feeding of the five thousand, the miraculous catch of fish, the raising of a widow’s son, and the healing of a man born blind, one pattern keeps showing up: God brings the power, and our faith and obedience open the channel. We talk about excuses, comfort zones, and the difference between chasing circumstantial change and seeking lasting restoration through God’s Word.

Along the way, we connect everyday stories to biblical truth, including what a tiny motion sickness pill can reveal about our craving for quick relief, and why some people stop three feet short of the help they asked for. If you’re looking for Christian marriage advice, biblical counseling clarity, and hope for marriage restoration that doesn’t depend on hype, you’ll find practical direction here.

Subscribe for more, share this with a couple who needs hope, and leave a review so others can find the show. What’s one area where you need God’s healing most in your marriage right now?

Transcript

Welcome And Mission

0:00

Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy Sellers. The mission of Vows to Keep is to help couples develop a biblically healthy marriage through the application of God's word and a deeper relationship with him. They desire to help you and your spouse grow closer to each other and closer to the heart of God's design for your marriage. Now, here's David and Tracy with today's broadcast. Hey,

The Lure Of Quick Fixes

0:22

we are David and Tracy Sellers. And we've made Vows to Keep. So David and I own like six movies on Amazon Prime. And one of them is Drum World Please, Princess Bride. That's a classic. So remember when the unlikely trio heads to Miracle Maxes? I think it's Billy Crystal. Yes. Yeah, they wanted to defeat the enemy and they needed a miracle cure from the medicine man, right? When was the last time that you and I were looking for a miracle in our marriage? Wish there was a miracle max nearby. Sometimes I think we're so desperate for a miracle, especially in our marriages, that we are willing to go to really unlikely sources for the answer. Listen to some of these far-fetched stories from about a century ago. These people were giving morphine to their babies and toddlers in the form of Mrs. Winslow's soothing syrup. I'm sure those babies were soothed. Or how about the shady ingredients of Lydia E. Pinkham's vegetable compound? It was touted to cure most any feminine need. Wow. People of the 1800s, just like today, were looking for a quick fix from the quote unquote fat-off obesity pill to made-up concoctions for made-up illnesses such as weak blood. These compounds were either made from dangerous drugs or common household items that never had a chance of curing anything. What these people were looking for was the miracle cure, something that would fix all of our problems real quick and easy, because you'd rather take that chocolate-coated remedy that Miracle Max was giving in the Princess Bride movie than do the things that actually are going to make a difference, like eating right or quitting smoking. Maybe exercise? Yeah. So many of us have these physical issues that we wish there was a quick fix for, but we also have got a whole bunch of unseen things happening in our relationships. Now, Tracy and I get an average of two requests a week for couples that are seeking counsel for their marriage, and we are so grateful for this. They reach out to us recognizing that they've got a weakness, there's a problem in their relationship, and they're looking for a cure. Maybe their finances are a mess and it's affecting their marriage. Their communication is just abysmal. They're shouting at each other or just not talking at all. It's cold. The ways that we hurt each other in the past are haunting our present. And really, issues like these are not limited to the people who give us a call. Those are just the people that are brave enough to do it. So, as you can guess, today on Vows2Keep

Motion Sickness And Marriage Medicine

2:50

Radio, we are talking about miracles. This is actually part 10 of our Bible for marriage series, the miracles of Jesus for your marriage. So, where do you need a miracle in your relationship? Here might be another way to say that. Where are you sick in your marriage and how do you medicate? What's the condition that your marriage has been suffering from and what solutions have you sought? And if you haven't found a solution, what have you turned to for one of those miracle max pills? The other day, David and I did what you might know as a Chinese fire drill. Remember those? You're at a stop sign and you switch drivers? Well, I have what you could maybe call extreme motion sickness. And no, it's not always because of David's driving. I know. I do drive fast. It's something that actually plagues me almost daily, whether I'm in a car or not. So medication for me has become the norm. I keep a little white drumamine pill with me at all times. I usually even have one in my pocket. Now, I was at a physical therapist once and I mentioned this issue to them, and I was told that I could actually help myself get better by letting myself get motion sick. So the more I expose myself to motion, the more I get used to it. And I've actually found that to be true, but that's the pits. I mean, who wants to throw up on purpose? Nope, I'd actually rather pop the pill than slowly get better over time and never have to take another one. I don't want to be uncomfortable. So I either avoid motion or I have a remedy at the ready. Now that sounds really strange, doesn't it? I'm giving up long-term health for very short-term gain. So how about you? Are you comfortable with your sickness? Are you comfortable with the limbo that is the state of your marriage right now? Have you gotten used to the tension, the words that aren't even there because it's so cold? It's crazy, but it's so true to say that it actually feels easier for many of us to stay there and just to deal with the familiar pain than to risk believing that things actually could be different. Or maybe you are so uncomfortable where you're at, you're so sick of being sick in your relationship that you're seeking anything to be free of the situation. You can think of little else, then something has to change. If that's you, be cautious in your motivation and in your direction because there is a distinction to be made between healing and change. Let me explain that to you.

Healing Versus Circumstantial Change

5:10

The prophet cries out in Jeremiah 17, heal me, God, and I will be healed. He's got this true heart cry, looking for the true source of healing. But sometimes the healing we seek doesn't come in the way that we would like. It doesn't come as quickly as we would like. So instead of seeking the Lord for that healing, we seek circumstantial change, change in how we distance ourselves from our spouses, change in our job or our job position or our job hours, change of address, maybe, change of marital status, change in how we look and dress and what we drive. You could call these panaceas for the pain, temporary emotional highs that cause us to feel like we've been victorious, even if just for the moment. But they're nothing more than that, just a momentary numbing medicine. So let me tell you a little bit of a story here, David. I don't know if you remember this gal. Her name was Carla, is in a different state where we used to live. Now, Carla and I had a lot in common. Our kids were the same age, their family went to our church. They even lived on our street about 10 houses down. Now, Carla was one of the most friendly people I had ever met. And every time I saw her on our street, she was either on the phone, just getting off the phone, or telling me she was about to go make a phone call. She told me that she had recently moved to town from Nebraska and the people she was on the phone with were her friends from her old church. Now, I'm not exaggerating when I say she spent hours a day talking with these people about the old times that they had together and when they would see each other next. So, what Carla saw as a way to stay connected with people that she was familiar and comfortable with cut her off from having friendships where her husband's job had moved them. This went on for years, and you can guess how deep her relationships were with the people at church and people like me down the street who were trying to reach out to her. They were shallow at best. She wasn't willing to take a step out of her comfort zone. The one thing that she actually needed to do, the one thing she needed to do to get what she was really needing. If you're looking for more than just a temporary change, you're looking for something more permanent, you're looking for healing. I'll let David describe what we're gonna do today on Vows to Keep Radio.

Do You Want To Be Whole

7:14

We're gonna dive into some of the miracles of Jesus. And as we do, we'll see it's our obedience and faith that provide the channel for God's healing power and presence that provides the miracles that our marriages need. Let me say that again. In each of these miracles, we're gonna look at what was the person's obedience and where did that faith come into play? So before we get into our first miracle story, let's prepare our hearts by asking the same thing that Jesus asked the man by the pool at Bethesda, do you want to be made whole? This man had been sick and lame for thirty-eight years, and every day someone carried him in his mat to place him near a pool. Picture this a place that had the legend of having healing powers. This man literally sat feet away from what he perceived to be the source of healing. And as we read the story from John 5, we see Jesus, he enters the scene and he asked the man who'd been sick for so long what most would think was a totally obvious question. Do you want to get well? Now, if I'd been sick for pretty much my entire life, of course, I'm gonna shout Tracy from the rooftops. Yes, I want to get well. Definitely. This guy, however, does something very unexpected. He makes excuses. He kind of begins to whine. He's like, I can't. The sick man says, I've got no one to put me in the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me. Now maybe David didn't know who Jesus was. Maybe he hadn't heard how Jesus could help him. Maybe if he did know the source of healing that was standing above him, he would have answered differently. But instead, he's got excuses at the ready. So do we, don't we? When there's a problem in our marriage, we don't go to the source, we go to our excuses. But even so, at Jesus' commands, the man jumps up and he walks. Now, this guy had been by the pool for like 14,000 days. So if you can imagine the number of people who had had to have passed by him during this time, it was probably more than like a hundred thousand. He could have asked any one of those people to help him get to the pool, and maybe he did, but he probably resigned himself to being sick his whole life. Yet he was still going there, and that's what floors me. He must have held out a sliver of hope to return there day after day. So, how about you? Do you hold out hope for your marriage? Have you sought out counselors, advisors, maybe reaching out to your pastor to help you to the healing pool? Have you been to conferences, maybe some Bible studies or meetings, home groups, a psychologist, a doctor, someone with a prescription pad, hoping that one of them will somehow get you to the healing waters. If they're godly and giving godly biblical advice, then they can point the way, but they can't get you there. They aren't your source for healing, just like that pool wasn't the source for the crippled man. Only Jesus, only Jesus was that guy's hope. And Jesus gives the man a way to the healing. Jesus didn't carry him there, Jesus didn't order the bystanders to help. Jesus gave the man a choice. Jesus told him, stand up, pick up your mat, and walk. I think right there, David, is the crux of the story. Jesus asked him to obey. And I want you to take this home with you today. That is where the healing starts. So, what has Jesus asked you to do? The healing you're looking for isn't going to come in the form of a lightning bolt from heaven or some drastic financial windfall that you've been praying for. The wholeness, the completeness, the restoration miracle that you need comes by obeying God's word and believing that God is who he says he is. There's faith and obedience working together right there. God is asking you to trust him so much that you'll put feet to what you've read in his word, in the way that you speak and believe and forgive and live. Every decision you make today in your marriage, relationship will either be in alignment with the word of God or it'll be in opposition to it. So, what does your obedience to God's word and your faith in him say about how much you trust him as your only miracle source? So now that you've got that question in your mind, do you want to be made well?

Feeding Five Thousand With Little

11:17

We're gonna look at four more miracles of Jesus today, starting with Jesus feeding the five thousand, two fish, five loaves from Matthew chapter 14. So the crowds are following Jesus on foot from the towns. When Jesus saw them, he had compassion on them and healed their sick. Now evening was approaching, and they were in a remote place, and the disciples said, Hey, it's getting late. Send the crowds away so they can go to the villages and buy food for themselves. Jesus replied, They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat. The disciples said, All we have are five loaves of bread and two fish. They were probably looking at this gigantic crowd in front of them, thinking, There is no way. Jesus said, Bring them here. Then he had the people sit on the grass and he took the five loaves and two fish, lifted his face to heaven in prayer, blessed, broke, and gave the bread to the disciples. And you know what happened next, right? There was so much left over that they could have gone to the neighboring town and fed them as well. So let's look at the obedience in this passage. I believe it was in the offering, taking what little they had and not making an excuse that it wasn't enough. They gave Jesus what he asked for. So where did faith come in in this miracle of Jesus? I think it was in believing that Jesus could do what seemed impossible. So note this today healing comes in the faith and the obedience, taking what God has given you, even the little you think you have in your marriage, and giving it back to him for a multiplication miracle. Let's take a look at the second miracle.

The Catch Of Fish And Trust

12:50

And this is the miracle of the fish we see in Luke chapter 5. Here's Jesus preaching on the shore at the Sea of Galilee, and there's crowds pressing in on him, trying to listen to the word of God. So he notices that there's two empty boats on the edge of the water, and the fishermen have left them as they were going to wash out their nets. Now, stepping under one of the boats, Jesus asked Simon, its owner, Hey, can you push this out in the water so that I can get out there in front of the crowds? And when he finished talking, he said to Simon, Now go where it's deeper and let down your nets to catch some fish. Now, Simon's not an idiot. He's like, Hey, Jesus, listen, I've worked all day and all night, and I haven't caught a thing. But because you say so, I'm gonna go do it. And this time those nets were so full of fish, they were tearing. A shout for help came as he was looking for others to come and help them, and soon both boats were filled with fish on the verge of sinking. I think the key words from this passage, David, are from Simon when he says to Jesus, Okay, because you say so. Now he could have been saying it like, you know, when I tell my kid, go put on sunscreen, even though it's cloudy outside. Really, mom, like, okay, I will because you said so, but I really don't agree with you. He could have done it that way, or Simon could have said it in faith because nothing else seemed to be working. They'd given up hope, but then God spoke, and that changed everything, including a hopeless outlook on the situation. You may have given up hope too. You've tried it on your own, nothing has worked, but now you're hearing God speak from his word. The end of this passage is notable in Luke 5, verse 11. It goes like this So they pulled their boats up on the shore and left everything and followed Him. God is speaking to you today, and He is calling you to follow Him as well, to leave the familiar comforts and habits behind, to abandon what you would have considered your source of livelihood, like these men who were fishermen by trade. God showed them on the boat that abundance came in the faith and obedience that they showed, taking what God has said and following through for a multiplication miracle. Let's take this to the third miracle.

When A Marriage Feels Dead

15:06

Death to life. This is in Luke chapter seven. It says soon after Jesus went with his disciples to the village of Nain, a large crowd followed him. This is typical for Jesus. A funeral procession was coming out as he was approaching the village gate. The young man who had died was a widow's only son, and a large crowd from the village was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. Don't cry, he said. And he walked over the coffin and touched it. The bearer stopped. Young man, he said, I tell you, get up. The dead boy sat up and began to talk. Jesus gave him back to his mother. So how about you? Is your marriage on its deathbed? Maybe you've already dressed for the funeral. You've already mentally jumped ahead to what you will do after this marriage has been buried. You know it's only a matter of time, but then you realize here's Jesus. He's right here, making his presence known to you, even as the funeral is happening in your mind. The miracle you never thought was possible suddenly is probable. Looking at this miracle, what was the obedience? Well, Jesus told the mother, don't cry. She was looking at this as an impossible situation. She's got a dead son who'd been her only hope for her means of support. And he's gone. That's a bleak future. She's in mourning. What about you? Is this the same kind of thing that you're dealing with? Where is the faith in this situation? I think it comes in the last sentence of this account. Jesus gave him back to his mom. She received him back in faith, knowing that what she was seeing was really true, that God was really powerful enough to do just this. God's asking the same of you. Will you open your arms to a dead marriage that he alone hasn't has the power to resurrect? And maybe you're thinking, you know what, this relationship is soon to take its last breath because you know, you know your spouse will never change. The status quo just is what it is, and you're tired of believing that God could come through. You might have heard of other people having like a miracle marriage, but you believe yours is too far gone. Those are easy things to believe, but we're challenging you today to believe the truth. We'll spend just a minute here in our last miracle from John chapter

Washing Blind Eyes With The Word

17:28

9. Jesus heals a man who was born blind. And it never crossed anybody's mind that something good can come from this. Maybe that's what you think of your marriage today. It was so bleak of a condition that not only was there no hope, it would have been laughable to believe that there was. I've got a couple in my mind right now that I'm thinking of, and that's exactly the situation that they were in. It would have been laughable for anyone from the outside to believe that something good could have come from that. Let's pick up here in verse six of John 9. Jesus spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man's eyes. Go, he told him, wash in the pool of siloam. So the man went and washed, and you know what happened? He came home seen. What a metaphor today for our blind hearts. God's word relates repeatedly throughout the Bible that we need to be washed in the water of the word to have our spiritually blind eyes open. So, what was the obedience in this miracle from John chapter 9? God had provided the water. Now the man had to go and immerse himself in it. In our situation, God has provided his word, that's the water, and now we got to go immerse ourselves in it. Now, I'll admit, I've got mud on my eyes. They're covered in the muck of my own sin and my own false beliefs. Now, a mere cloth is only gonna smear what's there. I need pure living water to be able to see clearly again, and so do you. We need to have our hearts cleansed by the blood of Jesus, and I need to go to the living water not just once, but every single day, to clearly see the path that God has laid out for me and how I act and speak to David, and I need to have a mind renewed by God's truth to change how I think about him. So are you living blind today or are you living in the light? First John 2, verse 9 says, If we say that we're in the light, yet hate others, we're in the darkness to this very hour. If we love others, we live in the light, and so there is nothing in us that could cause someone else to sin. But if we hate others, we're in the darkness. We walk in it and do not know where we are going because the darkness has made us blind. We need God's word so much, don't we? Are we ready to be made well? That's the question today. No one can convince you that the answer is right there in front of you. You've got to open your eyes to see it. You've got to move your heart towards God's heart. You've got to throw away the other cures that you've been taking to be able to see the beginning of healing, the start of the blessing. You have to be washed by the water of the word, the living water, to begin to live differently.

The Last Three Feet To Healing

20:19

But the exciting thing is, it is possible. I'm gonna tell you a little cat story right now. Okay, we have a really sweet mancoon cat that came to live with us a few years ago. Now, she is a sweet, little lovable fluff ball. She is loyal to our family and she's just been really fun to have around. So she loves to sit on my lap with her feet on my chest, nose to nose with me, and be petted. That's her favorite spot. But my husband brought home a new kitten a few months ago, and she just can't seem to reconcile herself to this new situation. She is like, get this new cat out of there. She is terrorized by this new kitten. Now, she has never been known to resist the opportunity to be petted or to be with people. She's one of those people cats. But now she may or may not come when she's called. And if she decides to come, she'll get about three feet away from me and she'll stop. She refuses to come the rest of the way to sit on my lap. I've got to go to her. And then many times she doesn't even want that. She just sulks and stays away from the house most of the day. A total personality change for this cat. So this recently became relevant in my personal life because someone had reached out to me and they had asked me to help them in their marriage and in their personal walk with the Lord. And I responded and I diligently worked with this person for a few months. But in the end, she really didn't want to be helped. She didn't want to go the last three feet of a very long journey to wholeness. Now I'm not saying that I was the answer to what she was going through, but I was anxious to point her to the answer, Jesus. When it came down to it, she didn't want the answer. She didn't want to be made whole. Just like my cat, she didn't want to receive the comfort and love that was right there in front of her. Just like the man at the pool, it's easy to give up and let hope after hope just pass on by us to not reach out to Jesus and all the health and wholeness that he alone can offer. That's why instead we've got to be like the man named Jarius in Luke chapter 8. Maybe you remember him. He came to Jesus. He sought him out, knowing that he alone can make his daughter whole. And while he was going to Jesus, this other lady comes up to Jesus with an issue of blood, pursuing God, knowing if she can just touch his hem, that wholeness will be hers. We've got to be so careful not to listen to the lie. The lie that says it's easier to remain where you are. Be aware. Don't have excuses on the tip of your tongue like the man at the pool. Ask yourself, do you really want your marriage to be healed? It may come at a cost to you if you say yes. Your healing may take you well outside of that comfort zone. Even if your comfort zone is the mess that you've been living in for so long. Your wholeness may not actually feel normal at first if you've been living with a bunch of brokenness in your life for a while. You might not appreciate the responsibility that comes with walking the path that God has given you, but none of these perceived costs compare with the cost of remaining broken. Every ounce of obedience and faith are worth the healing that God is holding out for your marriage.

Prayer And Ways To Support

23:22

As we conclude today, I vows to keep radio. Answer this. With your whole heart, pray these words today from Jeremiah 17. Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed. Vows to Keep is a not-for-profit marriage ministry designed to bring God's encouraging truth to the marriages of our area. If you are unable to donate your time or abilities, but would like to help support Vows2Keep financially, visit vowstoKeep.com and click on the donate link. Fiction isn't just for entertainment, even though one of my favorite things to do is read a good book. Fiction with a purpose allows you to journey with the characters and come out on the other side changed more into the image of Christ. And that's exactly what I want for you as you read my trilogy, Roots Run Deep. These historical romances are fun and fast paced, but I also know that as you turn that last page, your heart will be changed because you'll know more deeply your Heavenly Father's heart for you. Go to valance to Keep.com for all the details. This program is sponsored by Valence to Keep of Zanesfield, Ohio.