The VowsToKeep Marriage Podcast

From Cold Hearts to Courage: Promise, Purpose, Path, Perseverance, and Praise :: [Ep. 296]

• David & Tracy Sellars

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What if the coldest seasons of marriage could become the soil where joy, prayer, and gratitude take root? We explore a simple, Scripture-shaped framework—promise, purpose, path, perseverance, and praise—that helps couples move from numbness to renewed connection. Drawing on personal stories of burnout and a misfired sabbatical, plus our daughter’s relentless grind through demanding courses, we get honest about distraction, isolation, and the after-holiday blues—and then we show how God’s promises cut through the fog.

We start with promise because God’s promises are more than verses on a page; they reveal His character. From 2 Corinthians 1:20 to James 1 and Philippians 4, we unpack how promises clarify identity and reshape expectations for hard days. That clarity awakens purpose that begins today, not when emotions improve or circumstances change. Purpose then forms a path: staying near to Jesus so we can give away the love we receive from Him through small, daily acts—gentle words under stress, courageous honesty when weary, and simple prayers when words won’t come.

On that path, perseverance stops being a grim duty and becomes the gym where steadfast love grows. We talk about practical tools to resist boredom and bitterness: naming specific provisions from God, replacing spiraling thoughts with gratitude, and seeking godly influence instead of isolation. As perseverance matures, praise follows—sometimes as a sacrifice, often as a spontaneous response to seeing God provide what we lacked. By the end, you’ll have a clear way to navigate winter-hearted days and a handful of Scriptures to keep your steps steady.

Ready to warm cold spaces with hope and action? Listen now, subscribe for future episodes, and share this with someone who needs a fresh start today. If it helped you, leave a quick review so more couples can find their way from winter to worship.

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy Sellers. Our mission is to help couples develop biblically healthy marriages through the application of God's word and a deeper relationship with Him. We desire to help you and your spouse grow closer to each other and closer to the heart of God's design for your marriage. Now here's David and Tracy with today's broadcast.

SPEAKER_01:

If you want this winter to look different, or if you're in a winter season in your marriage, things are dormant and lifeless, I'm glad you're here with me today on Vows to Keep Radio. Today I'm going to share how to embrace the season ahead with five essential things: promise, purpose, path, perseverance, and praise. Things can look different this winter. How? Find out in today's episode of Vows to Keep Radio, the show where you get sound biblical counsel you can apply immediately to your marriage. I'm your host, Tracy Sellers of Vows to Keep. My husband David and I are biblical marriage counselors, authors, teachers, podcast hosts, radio hosts, and conference speakers. If you want to get back to being on fire for your spouse and for God, you're definitely in the right place. Our oldest daughter is in a place in her life right now where perseverance is going to pay off for great reward eventually. And she knows it, but in the moment, it's not easy. Let me tell you a little bit about Autumn. From the time she was about 10 years old, God placed a calling on her life to speak his truth to others. Her heartbeat is apologetics, defending the faith and encouraging others in their faith in our culture today. Now she's in college right now, she's just over 19 years old, but she's been working so hard that she is at a junior level status in school, and she is knee deep, let me tell you, in her upper level biology and chemistry courses. The days are long. There's distractions all around. Some of them are good ones. The tests are so hard. The nights are late and the mornings come too soon. She's had nine years of staying on track to get this far, but she still often asks me to pray for her. She's saying, Mom, I need to be able to keep my focus. I need to understand the material, and I need to keep the end goal in sight. It's winter, but she has an amazing internship opportunity this summer with a possible job to follow. For all of us, in the tough moments, in the tests of life, we lose sight of why we're here, what we're supposed to be doing, what we even signed up for in the first place, and why in the world do we sign up for it? Marriage is hard. Our lives aren't perfect, our hearts grow cold and we forget our original intent and purpose. And I especially struggle with this wanting to give up, wanting to just kind of lay down and roll over in the wintertime. If you've been listening to Vows to Keep Radio for a while, you've been to our website, you've looked at our blog, been to one of our events, you know a little bit about Vows to Keep. David and I have been doing marriage ministry unofficially for over 20 years, and officially for more than a decade. And it's always a teeter-totter, a up and down struggle to keep the balance of all the things that are happening in our lives: marriage, parenting, ministry, personal spiritual growth, and all the other commitments that we've made. A few years ago, I was feeling the burnout, like big time. Now I have to say that the workload of life and ministry at that time was really no different than it is now, but I was feeling all the feelings. I was feeling all the things, if you know what I mean. After a long year of pushing hard for really all the right reasons, David and I had to sit down and we decided, you know what, it would be good for me to take a sabbatical. A 31-day break from doing anything related to ministry. It was the entire month of January. So here was the plan. Give me time to pray, give me time to read the word and refocus. Good goals for sure. But here's what happened. I basically hid in my house and read Christian fiction for almost an entire month. During that time, of course, my brain was entertained, of course, my body was able to take a rest, but my heart didn't get the reset that it needed to keep running the race because February 1st was coming, whether I liked it or not. I came into that sabbatical really needy. Maybe you're needy today. I needed to remember what God had done. I needed to remember who I was in him. I needed to remember why I longed to help couples. I needed time to hear from the Lord, to turn off the world, to learn about him so I wouldn't grow weary and doing good. And I needed to have time to reflect on where God had been faithful, thank him for those things, and then have that give me a confidence in where he was asking me to take my next step of faith. But I cut short all of those things because I didn't do something. I did not turn my heart to truth. I let my emotions dictate my time. My daughter in her situation, me in that situation, and you in yours, we are alike in so many ways. We have a calling. What is our calling? To show Christ-like love to those closest to us and to complete the task before us with love, whether we feel like it or not. Our calling is to know Christ more each day, to be like Christ more each day, to do the good works that He's prepared in advance for us to do in our life and in our relationships. Sometimes we can know our purpose, but just go through the motions. Sometimes I stop looking forward to the days and the months ahead, and I just want to get through them as fast as possible. That's what a lot of winters are like for me. I know the right thing to do, and I do it, but I don't do it with joy. Here's the thing though, when I don't do what God has put before me with joy, I don't thank him for what he's doing. And I'm really beginning to see such a deep correlation between the two, between joy and thankfulness. I've been thinking a lot about joy lately. I saw this quote on social media the other day from Matthew Henry's concise commentary. He says, a truly religious life is a life of constant joy. Wow. That does not describe me very often, but gosh, I sure would like to get there. I can see so clearly that when I'm joyful, I am automatically thankful. It's organic. And I'm not talking about happy, that's different. I'm talking about being rooted in joy. I started digging into scriptures and I noticed that Paul in the New Testament talks a lot about rejoicing. This from the guy who was imprisoned and beaten and persecuted for his faith. The root word in rejoicing is joy. And I noticed that so often in these passages where he's talking about rejoicing, he pairs it with two other things: prayer and a thankful heart. Here's an example from 1 Thessalonians 5. Paul says, always be joyful, never stop praying, and be thankful in all circumstances. Why? He lays it out for us. This is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. We can see our purpose right there in that one passage. When I'm in a calendar winter season or a dormant winter season in my heart or my marriage, those three things, joy, prayer, and thankfulness, they are not even on my radar. I feel like I couldn't even make myself do them if I tried. So I turn inward. Is that what you do too? It's so easy for me to isolate and focus on the things that are hard, the trials, the darkness. And I set my hope in the wrong place. I set my hope on the number of days left until spring, or whatever the weather forecast is, or the distractions that I feel I can count on to help me get through this rough patch with my spouse. The very last thing I feel like doing is praying. In fact, it's even hard to formulate a prayer when I'm feeling like this. And I certainly don't have joy. No praise or thanks to God is in my heart or coming out of my mouth when I've put my hope in the wrong place. And because I have this tendency, and I'm thinking you might too, I'm excited to walk through a process of sorts today on Vows to Keep Radio with you. I want to talk to you about five things that will help you and me through our quote unquote winter seasons, whatever that may be for you. Here they are promise, purpose, path, perseverance, and praise. And I think we're gonna see as we look at each of these how intricately tied they are to joy and prayer and thankfulness. I am looking forward to putting these very things into practice for myself because I'm choosing to believe that God has more for me. He has more for my marriage than just waiting for the springtime to begin again. My God, your God is a God of hope. And Lord God, that's what I want to pray for us today. Would you fill us with your hope as we look at the season before us with new eyes? We need you, God. We don't just want to stick our heads in a hole and just wait for the pain, wait for the winter to pass. We want you. We want what you want. Help us to want what you want. Increase our faith, God, so that we can live lives full of promise, full of purpose, on the right path, with perseverance and praise. And pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen. Promise, purpose, path, perseverance, and praise. So let's walk quickly through that progression of those five things and then we're gonna break them down. Knowing and believing God's promises gives us purpose. And when our path is clear, we're able to persevere even in imperfection. And then we're going to live lives of praise to God because we joyfully walk with him and see his promises fulfilled. Oh, the promises of God. I used to have this small leather-bound book that contained hundreds of God's promises. Did you have one like that? It was always so encouraging to flip through it and find a truth to hold on to for that day. And really, I have to tell you, it was how I started to memorize small bits of God's word because I would see them over and over. There are lots of different estimations out there on the internet of how many promises God makes in the Bible, but I'm going to say it's somewhere around 8,000. And in 2 Corinthians 1:19 and 20, it says that in Christ, each and every one of God's promises, all 8,000, will be fulfilled for me, for you. Because in Christ, all of God's promises are yes and amen. I believe that God's promises are something that not a lot of us think about often. I don't take them at face value. Sometimes I even take them for granted. I should be thinking about them. I should be searching them out in scripture. I should be memorizing them and meditating on them. They are that important. God says I can count on what he says in his word to me. And that means when I read how God wants me to come boldly to him in prayer and that he's going to hear me, that it's true. I can read in Psalms that he watches out for me. I can read in Romans that he makes all things in my life work out for good. I can read in Hebrews that he promises he'll never leave me or forsake me. He promises comfort, salvation, forgiveness, and peace. All these promises are mine. And all these promises are light when I start to stumble around in the darkness of my sin or when I forget why I'm here. God's promises help me remember who he is. They are his character. God's promises give me perspective when I look back, knowing that every good thing in my life and my marriage comes from him. I find that in James chapter one. And God's promises give me hope going forward because I know that if there's anything I can count on in this entire world, it's that his presence always goes with me. Knowing God's promises tells me exactly how I need to live and act and speak and think. Why? Because when I look intently into the perfect law that gives liberty, again, that's James chapter one, I begin to do something really kind of cool. I begin to look like my savior. When I look into God's word and I see who he is, I start to act like him. I start to live out his word. And suddenly I have purpose. I see God has things planned for me to do this day and for this season. You have a purpose. You don't just have to wait around until things get better. The work God has for you to do, his purpose for you, does not depend upon the weather. It doesn't depend on the perception of what may or may not be going well in your life. It doesn't depend on your emotions, the date on the calendar, or your spouse's poor choices. And if you feel like you're too old or too much has happened for you to fulfill God's purposes for your life or your marriage, let me share this. God does not have a countdown for his purpose for you. There is no timer. Your purpose always begins today, no matter what happened yesterday, because his mercies are new every morning. The Hebrew word for mercy used in that passage that I just quoted from Lamentations chapter three is the word compassion. It's God's tender love to us, his great mercy. When I hear that God is compassionate towards me, that he gives me not only second chances, but 1000 chances, it doesn't make me feel bad. And in fact, it makes me feel just the opposite. It gives me faith to jump onto the path he's laid out for me today. It makes me want to be all in and follow where he's leading today. God's purpose for our lives, which really boils down to loving him and loving others, makes our path really clear. I don't have to know how long or hard the winter is going to be. All I need to do is stick close to my Savior, put my hand in his every day, know his love for myself so that I can give it away to others. But what about the days when things are at their worst, our spouse is at their worst? What about the times you don't think you can take the hardships you have much longer? Like my daughter who's studying for three weeks to take one test, wondering if she'll get a passing grade, even though she's giving it her all. This is where perseverance comes into play. And that sounds like a bad word, but perseverance really is such a good thing. God tells us in James chapter one that we shouldn't be surprised by our trials, but instead we can be joyful in them, knowing that the trials that test us produce steadfastness, they produce perseverance. We can persevere on the path of loving God and loving others, even when it's hard, because we know our purpose. And we know our purpose because we know God's promises. We happily walk in the path of our purpose because we can see the end result. We can see that prize that awaits. It's not personal comfort, it's not earthly pleasure, it's not just waiting for this season to pass. It's bringing God glory with our lives. Perseverance always comes before praise. God, you got me through when I didn't think I could make it. God, you are amazing. God, only you could have given me the strength to stick it out. God, you provided exactly what I needed. Thank you. And that's why praise is the last part of this process. We live joyful, prayer-filled lives of praise to God because we're walking close with him and we're seeing his promises fulfilled. Praise and thanksgiving is spontaneously, organically, the end result of knowing God and walking with him. It's true, we're not going to feel like praising God sometimes. That's why the Bible talks about giving the sacrifice of praise, but our lives will be bringing him praise and glory, and eventually our mouths will follow. If you struggle with the January, the winter, the after holiday blues, or if your marriage is in a winter season, the process of getting out of that always starts with knowing God's promises and it ends with the natural outflow of praise. Promise, purpose, path, perseverance, and praise. Knowing and believing God's promises gives us purpose, and that makes our path clear. And then we're able to persevere even in imperfection and we live lives of praise to God because we're walking close with Him, seeing His promises fulfilled. In my seasons of winter, whether it's actual calendar or just life, I can get pretty self-centered pretty quick. I mean, when I took an entire month off, I squandered the time I was given. I defaulted to selfishness. When I'm focused on what's not going right, I focus on instant gratification. I start counting the months, then the weeks, then the days until I can be me again, until this season is over. The shift in the weather, the lack of schedules and activity and being busy can cause my focus to shift into places it shouldn't be. Me and my comfort and my definition of happiness. I've got to get my mind off of myself and onto my real purpose, which is, like we said before, loving God and loving others. My job every day is to stick close to my Savior, to put my hand in his, and to know his love for myself so that I can give it away to others. If I don't do this daily, I easily end up in pride and bitterness, which both send me further into the winter blues. Before we end today, let's talk about a couple other things that can happen in these winter seasons of life. Self-centeredness for sure, but I would say also boredom. I've said it before, you will never experience a boring day in your life or your marriage if you consistently, intentionally love like Christ. It is going to take effort and planning to do that. It is going to take prayer, asking God to help not only give you the ideas to bless others, but also the energy to carry out your plans. Ever noticed how loving others is usually the antidote that you need? It is for me, but it is not natural for me to do that. I tend to isolate, I tend to withdraw, even though in times like these I need godly influence more than ever. Instead, I tend toward the path of negative thoughts, and those negative thoughts lead to harmful words. When we're isolated, when we're believing things that aren't true, when we're not reminding ourselves of God's promises, including the purposes that He has for us, we think in ever downward spirals of negativity. And our thoughts come out to others or ourselves as harmful words. Here's something to remedy that. Make a habit that every time you begin to think things that aren't true, every time you begin to argue with yourself or with God or with your spouse in your head or out loud, stop and replace those words or thoughts with thankfulness. I've been trying this lately, and it is a miracle. Let's talk for a second about how we can get deep into complacency and stagnancy. In seasons of hardship, these are big ones for me. When I don't know or I don't remember God's promises, I can become really indifferent to what happens. I sort of like remove my heart from what's happening, especially with my spouse or those that I see often. Reminding myself of God's promises always gives me new shoes to take the step of faith God is asking me to. And I get out of that place of not caring. And finally, I want to mention loneliness. Definitely something we all experience, but it can be an even stronger emotion when we feel like no one understands, no one cares. When I feel like this, I can rejoice that God never, ever removes his presence from me. He's got me by my right hand and he holds me when no one else is around. I can hold on to that and I can turn from my tendency to isolate even further to looking at how I can meet the needs of others because my needs have been met. How many others around you, even in your own home, need to hear the truths that you are learning? Our God promises to comfort us. In 1 Corinthians chapter 1, it says, and then he asks us to walk in the purpose of that promise, comforting others as we have been comforted. No matter where you're at in your winter, we can always come back to promise, purpose, path, perseverance, and praise. Those will bring us back to what Paul refers to so often in the New Testament: joy, prayer, and thanksgiving. Philippians 4, 4 through 7 has those three things in it. Listen for it. Rejoice in the Lord always. Again, I will say, rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand, and do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. Every time thanksgiving is referred to in the Bible, it's always linked to relationship. God doesn't want you to go through your winter season alone. He wants you to walk with him. We call it prayer, but really it's just a conversation, like one you'd have with a close friend. If you're wondering where to start with prayer and praise, remember where you were and where you are and where God promises to take you. Meditate on how God brought you through specific circumstances, even this last year. Name the trials and the blessings and look with new eyes at how he was present with exactly what you needed. Then name exactly what he provided, which promises he fulfilled, and then thank him. If you practice this continually, you will become joy-filled, I am sure of it. Remember 1 Thessalonians 5 that we read earlier? Always be joyful, never stop praying, and be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. Could it be that the will of God for you is to be thankful in all circumstances because it's his desire to be in constant communion with you? If we know what our future is, and you know what we do, because we know the promises of God, we'll want to stay in constant communion with our Father to maintain the correct perspective about the present. And could the holidays this year be the kickoff for an amazing winter ahead? One where you excitedly look forward to waking up in the dark of pre-dawn, knowing that God is wooing you to himself. He's leading you to a life of purpose and a heart that's close with him and your spouse. He's leading you to a door that bears the sign thankfulness on it. We turn the knob with a heart that knows where every good and perfect gift comes from. And that door swings wide with the winds of a bold humility born of knowing our life was ransomed by our husband, our maker, our provider, our savior. There we stand before him in awe and in worship and in gratitude. Like in Psalm 100, we enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name, for the Lord is good and his love endures forever. His faithfulness continues throughout all generations.

SPEAKER_00:

Vows to Keep is supported by a team which includes biblical coaches, writers, and pastoral advisors. If you have a desire to serve marriages in your community, we would love to hear from you. Vows to Keep is a not-for-profit marriage ministry designed to bring God's encouraging truth to the marriages of our area. As a not-for-profit organization, our commitment to Christ-like marriages includes providing much-needed services regardless of a couple's financial ability to offset the cost of Vows to Keep operations. If you are unable to donate your time or abilities but would like to help support Vows2Keep financially, visit vowstoKeep.com and click on the donate link. This program is sponsored by Vows2Keep of Zanesfield, Ohio.

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David Sellars

Host
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Tracy Sellars

Host