Christmas Without Chaos: Reclaiming Holiday Joy :: [Ep. 290]

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio
• 1:27 Creating a Mindful Holiday Plan
• 5:21 Gift-Giving with Purpose
• 10:50 Travel and Hosting with Grace
• 15:37 Connecting with Your Spouse
• 18:23 Practical Holiday Management
• 21:25 Prioritizing Time with Jesus

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy Sellers. Our mission is to help couples develop biblically healthy marriages through the application of God's Word and a deeper relationship with Him. We desire to help you and your spouse grow closer to each other and closer to the heart of God's design for your marriage. Now here's David and Tracy with today's broadcast.

Speaker 2: 0:23

So many years in the past, I've looked at my schedule between October and December and thought how can I fit in all that needs to be done, along with a few things that I want to do around the holidays too, like the fun stuff the demand seems so high. I'd list them out for you, but I'm sure you have your own mental list already tallying up, and I don't want to stress you out more by naming one that you forgot to add to your list. I usually exhaust myself by trying to meet either my own expectations or somebody else's standards, and in the end I have nothing left. I've got no margin for my marriage or my relationship with God, but this year that's not a foregone conclusion. The God who called me his own, the one who made Christmas, who is our Noel, who is our peace, is powerful enough to help me make necessary changes. He's powerful enough to help me understand his will in the center of all this holiday busyness. Powerful enough to help me zero in on what really matters and help me evaluate what I'm doing that doesn't matter. Find out how this year can be different in this special holiday episode of Vows to Keep. Radio Action Plan for Christmas, part 2. We're going to weave together a practical and heart-oriented action plan for marriage budget, extended family relationships, connection with our Savior and other areas that may need some prayer and reevaluation around this time of year. We'll change the tune from stress to spending ourselves well for the glory of our Father and the advancement of His gospel.

Speaker 2: 1:51

On today's episode of Vows to Keep Radio, the show where you get sound biblical counsel that you can apply immediately to your marriage, I'm your host. Traci. Sellers of Vows to Keep, david and I are biblical marriage counselors, authors, teachers, radio hosts, podcast hosts and conference speakers. If you want to get back to being on fire for your spouse and for God, you're definitely in the right place. Okay, so I take back what I said earlier, with a different mindset, a different heart set. You know what I think we should go through the most common to-do list items that are on most of our lists. I'll share some of the things my family has done to be less culturally driven by the holidays and to really spend ourselves well for God during this season, and you can take these pointers or you can leave them. I'm not going to be offended if you don't use these in your life, and I certainly don't think I have this all figured out. Our family has morphed and matured over the years, so some of these no longer apply because our kids are either all grown or almost grown.

Speaker 2: 2:52

Everything I talk about today is meant to be an extension of part one of this two-part series, helping you make an action plan for Christmas, making margin for what matters, and I hope, as I talk, that you hear my heart is really for you. Today I'm walking arm in arm with you together. I want us to be spirit led together. If you're feeling in your heart that a change needs to be made when it comes to how you handle the holidays, we've got to start with one thing, and that thing is prayer, a conversation just between you and God. Go back, listen to the previous broadcast, wherever you podcast, and go through the steps of laying out these prayers that I talked about in part one before the Lord. We started with listing out the topics that stress you out about the holidays and then writing down next to each one what makes you anxious about that particular topic, and then make a go-to list of truth from God's word so that you can keep in step with the Spirit this holiday season. That's the extremely short version. So go back and learn with us what God says about anxiety and how that plays into all of this Practically speaking.

Speaker 2: 3:58

The next step is to bullet point your holiday to-do list, and that's what we're going to do today. List everything that comes to mind, from organizing last year's decorations into new tubs to making a holiday menu to ordering your Christmas cards. Once you've got everything in black and white, I want you to cross-reference your to-do list with your anxiety list that you created from part one. Pray about each item on that to-do list and ask the Lord to give you discernment. If this thing is a must-do, let me say this if it divides relationships, let it go. If it brings glory to God and loves on his people, keep it, even if it comes at a cost to you.

Speaker 2: 4:40

In this episode of Vows to Keep Radio, we're going to go through the to-do lists one by one and really get practical about what needs to stay and what needs to go. And if we're being spirit led, your list and my list aren't going to look the same, but we'll go through the most common categories and situations that bring that holiday stress. Pray about everything we're going to talk about today. Pray about the things that are on your list. If they belong, add them. If not, let them go. Some of these are less about what needs to stay and what needs to go, and really more about a different perspective, doing many of the same things we always do, but with a different goal in mind. As we spend time before the Lord on these things, he brings change within our hearts, real change that goes all the way down to the roots of our motivation for why we do what we do. So let's start with the biggest categories, like gift giving, travel, hosting and more Gifts.

Speaker 2: 5:35

Let's address budget first when we talk about this topic. Don't break the bank, because it won't honor God to give with the right motivation and go into debt at the same time. Keep your budget in mind and, I dare say, have an open conversation about holiday money with your spouse Not just gifts, but also travel and clothes and parties and food. You don't have to just go by what you've always done in the past or compare what you spend with someone else's idea of normal. Pray about why you're spending what you are and ask God if adjustments need to be made.

Speaker 2: 6:07

Let's continue with who we're giving to and why we're giving to them. Are you giving to impress, to meet their expectation, because you quote unquote have to To open the door with someone to possibly share the gospel with them To bless. Why are you giving the gospel with them To bless? Why are you giving With your spouse? Pray about what you're giving and, most importantly, the why For gifts. I challenge you to think outside the box. How about a one-time gift to an organization that feeds hungry kids? Or make an Operation Christmas Child box together? Or go to the local food pantry with money you would have normally spent on gifts? For a couple years, we even gave our children the option of giving a portion of the money that we would have normally spent on them and give it to someone else in need. It was such a blessing to our family and it taught our kids so much. I would encourage you to give gifts that aren't material.

Speaker 2: 7:03

Your granddaughter doesn't need more toys in the living room to entertain her. She needs you. She needs the discipleship that you can give her. Your spouse doesn't want to be asked what he wants for Christmas. He can go out and buy that for himself. So do something for him. Plan a surprise trip as a gift. Start watching hotel and airfare so that you're not forced into purchasing at a premium at the last minute. Make all the arrangements so he doesn't have to think about any of it.

Speaker 2: 7:29

The goal is to get away together and connect. Take all the money you would have spent on presents and go on a trip as a family. Rent a cabin, and don't bring the cell phones or the video games Drive to the beach. Whatever you do, the goal is to spend time together, to invest in each other in a way that a physical gift never could. We've done this a couple times and the memories are priceless.

Speaker 2: 7:53

Don't exchange money through the form of gift cards, through the mail or in person, because like why I can buy myself a gift card? Thank you very much. Instead, give money for an outing that you're going to do together Hot chocolate, tickets to the zoo, something that will make memories, something that will invest in the other person. And a way to stay on budget is to draw names with extended family and have fun blessing that particular person. How about gifts for teachers and neighbors and garbage men? What an opportunity to share the gospel with them. This doesn't have to be extravagant. You could make them some fudge and just write a short but sincere thank you. Note. If your budget doesn't allow for this, write the note anyway. It just might be more memorable than the fudge. And for gift receiving, keep that in mind as well. Don't demand a certain gift or the monetary value of a gift that you anticipate someone's going to give you. Be easy to please Someone who isn't after material things but who shows in every way that they care about people more than things.

Speaker 2: 8:54

In this week's download resource I'll provide you with a chart you can use to break this down step by step. I think seeing it laid out and covering it in prayer with your spouse will really calibrate you with God's will for gifts this year. And then I would encourage you to set a budget for next year so you can save a little each month going forward into the next 12 months. And that brings us to shopping. This doesn't have to be as complicated or as time consuming. I think as we make it out to be and as we check our heart motivations before the Lord, this becomes a joy rather than a chore. After you've gotten this week's download resource and you prayed over who you're giving to and why, I want you to make three lists Online you're giving to and why I want you to make three lists Online, in-person and stocking stuffers. For online, make a master list you can do it any way you want Paper Excel notes on your phone, whatever and plan to spend an afternoon and an evening shopping online. Hit purchase when it falls into the guidelines of your goals and your budget. For in-person, make another master list.

Speaker 2: 9:59

Work to get everything on this list purchased as early as possible in the season. Plan an entire day without the kids and just be in line through the stores. Maybe take one day for local businesses and one day for commercial shopping Everything except what you're going to buy at, say, a local craft fair or other local places that might not be open that day and then plan a stocking stuffer day. Or keep a running list in your phone of what you want to buy for stocking stuffers and get in a few each grocery trip to help with the budget. Just a little piece of advice on shopping for gifts for teenagers. If the gift you want to give your children is something culturally relevant at the moment, make sure it's spiritually relevant for them to have, and if they're mature enough in their walk with the Lord to handle what you're giving them, here's a biggie.

Speaker 2: 10:50

Let's talk holiday travel. This is the perfect time to put into practice what Romans 10-12 says Honor one another above yourselves, even though it might not be your preference to travel a long distance to see family or to host visiting family members. Pray about this, present your requests to God and then let the peace of God guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. This is Philippians 4, 7, and 8. When our family travels, we find the close quarters in the vehicle. Those preferred sleeping arrangements, schedules, seven and eight. When our family travels, we find the close quarters in the vehicle. Those preferred sleeping arrangements, schedules, activities, food and much more make for a challenge, but they also make for a great opportunity to be deliberately generous rather than our natural tendency of selfishness and personal preferences.

Speaker 2: 11:36

Travel always causes an instant battle between flesh and spirit. That's why several times, we've implemented the rubber band bracelet. Now I got this idea from another mom and it has made a difference for me. Here's the concept. Philippians 2.14 says do everything without complaining and arguing. Try putting that into practice as you travel for the holidays. The rest of the passage has awesome advice for relationships, but this particular verse stands out for travel because I can tend to complain and other family members tend to argue. With our rubber bands in place, we set off down the driveway. Anytime someone complains or argues, they snap their own band on their wrist. And I will tell you, I was the first culprit. We'd only made it about a quarter mile the first time before I was snapping my band, and I'm a really visual learner, so this has helped me to remember what God asked of us in Philippians. That was the only time I had to snap my band, that entire seven day trip.

Speaker 2: 12:34

When you're at your in-laws house or out of your comfort zone in any way this season, I want you to look at Philippians, chapter 2, to look at how Christ lived his life A humble, joyful, willing servant and friend. Lord, I just pray right now that you would help us to reflect you, even when we don't get our preferences. If you are hosting this year, let's kiss. Keep it simple, sweetie. Your goal in hosting should be less about your home and less about the food served and more about the condition of the hearts of the people who walk through your front door. Always ask yourself this question what does this person need and how? Would God like to use me to be a part of meeting that need, and how would God like to use me to be a part of meeting that need, not just now, but throughout the year. That, my friends, is a game changer. So, as you're keeping it simple, make a cleaning list and a timeline, whether it's just a quick once over before people come over for dinner or a more thorough cleaning for overnight guests. But here's the key Don't let stress about what they'll think about you or your home dictate what you do. If you do, trust me, it's going to bleed into your attitude when those guests show up at your front door. I am the first person who's guilty of this. Check your motivation and again, cover this in prayer.

Speaker 2: 13:58

If you're hosting this year, make a menu well in advance and, speaking of food, sit down in early November and plan your Thanksgiving and Christmas menus. Make a few of the same things for both meals. No one's going to mind. Think through Christmas Eve dinner, christmas morning breakfast and what you're going to make with the leftovers, and then start to add to the upcoming grocery list those non-perishable items to spread the cost out over time. It's a fun thing to do with kids to set aside a day to cook some things in advance. Teach them and disciple them, spend time with them.

Speaker 2: 14:33

If you're hosting, it's okay to ask guests to do a potluck style For holiday baking. Buy ingredients in September and October that are usually hard to find in November or December. Last year I was so proud of my pie shell find that I posted a picture on Facebook that said I was willing to trade for a classic car. No lowball offers, I know what I've got. This year I would like to do a cookie swap Early in the season. Reach out to five to 10 friends, preferably those with no allergies in their family or the same allergies as you, and invite them to be in a cookie exchange with you. The more ladies you have on board, the larger the smorgasbord of goodies all the families involved will get to enjoy. But don't limit it to cookies. Branch out into fudge, biscotti, whatever, but take that time to open the doors of your house to let people know you care about them.

Speaker 2: 15:23

So many of the things we've talked about need to be talked about with your spouse in advance budget hosting, travel gifts but we also don't want to forget connection with our spouse. There are ways that you can be intentional about connecting with your spouse, and I'd be the first person to highly advocate for that. But the main thing you can do to keep the unity between the two of you is to not run around like a chicken with your head cut off, trying to put together a perfect Christmas at the expense of your marriage. This is where prayer comes in. If you are coming before the Lord with your anxieties, with your to-do list, with your concerns, asking God to lead you, you won't be that chicken running around. You will be someone who is pleasant to be with, whose attitude reflects Christ, someone who has reprioritized their to-do list to allow margin to give their spouse and their marriage the attention that they need to stay biblically healthy.

Speaker 2: 16:21

Unity with your spouse starts with the condition of your own heart before the Lord. Get that right and keep current with God. As new things crop up and you're going to find unity and connection and even passion with your spouse are naturally going to follow. Practically speaking, we can't just hope that our relationship will naturally drift to something better than it is right now. I've heard it said you're either growing closer together or further apart as a couple. There's not a neutral here. So we have to plan for intentionality. Make a plan to date, at least once a month between now and the end of the year. Put it on both of your calendars now. Protect that time Now. I like a good grocery store day as much as the next girl. But I'm talking about going above and beyond here. Plan something you know your spouse would enjoy and joyfully give it to them without complaint If you can make one of your dates between now and the end of the year and overnight. If you can't squeeze that in, get the reservation on the calendar for January. Let your spouse know that you are intentionally pursuing them.

Speaker 2: 17:30

We're going to talk about intentionally pursuing our Savior as well during this time, but let's talk about a few more practical things. First, how about this one to Christmas card or not? What are you going to do this year for Christmas cards? Well, first let's examine the reason behind why we want to send out cards this year. It's easy to make it all about us, how our family looks, what accomplishments we've made this year when it comes to cards. There are many tricks to make it easier, but only a few heart postures that will bring God glory. Number one make what you write a testimony of what God has done. Number two make connection, your goal In your message. Let friends and family know that you're going to be hanging their picture on your fridge as a reminder to pray for them throughout the year. And number three, don't worry about matchy matchy outfits or the look on your face. If deepening connection and relationships is your goal, it's going to come across in both your picture and your message or your letter. Starting with the right heart will turn this from being a task that you have to get done to something you get to do for others and Christ this Christmas.

Speaker 2: 18:38

Two more before we talk about our time with Jesus Decorations and schedules. Decorations, now, this is something a lot of us enjoy, but it certainly isn't necessary by any stretch of the word. Ask yourself whose measuring stick you're trying to reach and again, pray about how much time and investment you will make this year around decorating. Make your goal to bless others will make this year around decorating. Make your goal to bless others. I know some of us have kind of given up on decorating. Check your heart on that too, expending yourself by putting up the tree when you don't feel like it might be a total blessing to your husband or your kids or your grandkids. So inventory what you have, donate what you don't need Decide what you quote unquote need to buy versus want to buy and see if that fits within your budget. Shop if necessary, go to a craft show, support local vendors and have fun decorating to celebrate what our savior has done for us, and do it with the rest of your family. Make it a family activity together.

Speaker 2: 19:37

Schedules I'll make this one short and sweet. Put the non-negotiables on your calendar now so they don't crop up at the last minute and throw something else awry. Think through these dates and get your spouse's dates on the calendar too. School concerts, travel, end of the year, doctor's appointments put it all in there. But even with these things seemingly set in concrete, be willing to hold them loosely and seek to keep in step with the spirit. Just like gifts, are there things on your schedule that you're doing just to impress or meet your own expectations? Talk about these things with your spouse and be unified in what you're saying yes to and what you're saying no to. Don't try to divide and conquer, because being in unity is hard when we're not even together.

Speaker 2: 20:24

It can be tempting for me to sigh and feel the weight of yet another event to attend. I really have to check my heart if I catch myself doing this and I catch myself doing it often I find that my attitude changes completely when I don't look at the school concert or the holiday staff gift exchange as just one more thing to check off the list, but instead to see each of the interactions that God puts before me as an opportunity to serve and love others. It's not about accomplishing more during the holidays. It's about where the Spirit is leading us to serve and love his people. So, last but not least, time with Jesus. We've talked about a lot of ways to get our ducks in a row, and I think in doing so we can be good stewards of what God has entrusted to us.

Speaker 2: 21:12

It makes me think of Colossians chapter 3, that says Whatever you do in word and deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God, the Father. Through him. Whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus. But even the most organized and prayed over schedule cannot replace time with Jesus, learning more about our Savior and digesting his word so we can learn to live it even in the most trying of holiday moments. If anything on your list is crowding out your personal one-on-one time with God. It needs to go or it needs to be reprioritized. Nothing not gift giving, shopping, travel hosting, baking, decorating or schedules should come in front of your time with the Lord. Everything we do flows from our hearts, as Proverbs 4.23 says. All of our choices, all of our words, all from our hearts. That's what Proverbs 4.23 says All of our choices, all of our words, all of our emotions. So you cannot expect to be at peace in your heart if you're not giving your relationship with God the attention that it needs.

Speaker 2: 22:16

I think Isaiah 26.3 is an awesome theme verse to keep us on track during this time. It says you will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you. I want to renew my mind, understanding what the Lord's will is for me during this time, to not get sucked into the drama or the busyness while forgetting what's really important loving God and loving his people. I want to take time to be still and know that he is God, to remind myself of the gospel that started with a special day we call Christmas. Make this a daily habit and watch not only your heart but your life. Show the fruit when you meet with the Lord. Bring your anxieties to him, lay them at his feet, rest in his provision for you and align your expectations with his good and perfect will for you. Get quiet each day and listen to what he has to say and then obey accordingly. You'll find you're building a foundation of peace that will bring joy and unity throughout this season, and you'll stop saying how busy you are and start telling others with your words and actions and attitude how much God loves them.

Speaker 2: 23:26

Go to the show notes for this episode of Vows to Keep Radio and download the PDF to help you walk through these heart changing truths in a practical way. Or, if you want the resource, you can email me resource at vows to keepcom. That's V-O-W-S-T-O-K-E-E-Pcom, and put Christmas in the subject line to get your action plan for Christmas ready to go. Join David and I next time for another episode of Vows to Keep Radio and in the meantime, check out our great blog resource on our website where we answer some of your most pressing questions about marriage and family and relationships. Find that at VowsToKeepcom.

Speaker 1: 24:11

Vows to Keep is supported by a team which includes biblical coaches, writers and pastoral advisors. If you have a desire to serve marriages in your community, we would love to hear from you. Vows to Keep is a not-for-profit marriage ministry designed to bring God's encouraging truth to the marriages of our area. As a not-for-profit marriage ministry designed to bring God's encouraging truth to the marriages of our area, as a not-for-profit organization, our commitment to Christlike marriages includes providing much-needed services, regardless of a couple's financial ability to offset the cost of Vows to Keep operations. If you are unable to donate your time or abilities but would like to help support Vows to Keep financially, visit VowsToKeepcom and click on the Donate link. This program is sponsored by Vows to Keep of Zanesfield, ohio.