The VowsToKeep Marriage Podcast

Wisdom for Marriage: The Parables of Jesus :: [Ep. 249]

• David & Tracy Sellars • Episode 246

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Wisdom for Marriage: The Parables of Jesus :: [Ep. 249]

For most married people, it’s very easy to see your spouse’s weaknesses. And often, the enemy effectively uses this clear view of weakness to chip away at the marital foundation and relationship. Often times, this blinds us to see our own shortcomings and results in an unrealistic view of ourselves and what marriage should be. 

This week, on the VowsToKeep Marriage Podcast, we will be talking all about this and using some of Jesus’ key parables to redefine and refocus us in our marriages. Don’t miss it!

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy Sellers. The mission of Vows to Keep is to help couples develop a biblically healthy marriage through the application of God's Word and a deeper relationship with Him. They desire to help you and your spouse grow closer to each other and closer to the heart of God's design for your marriage. Now here's David and Tracy with today's broadcast.

Speaker 3:

Better than the day we made our vows are the moments that we get, to keep them.

Speaker 2:

Hey, this is Tracy from Vows to Keep Marriage Ministries. And one day, when our firstborn Autumn was about a year old, I was sitting in a hospital pharmacy waiting on a prescription. Now, I had our secondborn, ross, right next to me in a car seat, had Autumn on my lap, and it had been one of those mom days. Yeah, I think we should point out that these two kids are literally 11 months apart from each other. Yeah, and don't the terrible twos start when they're two.

Speaker 2:

Well, here's my little girl acting up a storm while her new brother is sleeping peacefully in the car seat. My nerves were totally on edge. And then this little old lady came and sat down next to me. She looked at the kids and then she went on and on about how sweet little newborns didn't have an ounce of evil in them. They were so innocent, and wasn't that just the best? Well, I can tell you, if you had been there, david, I would have turned to you and rolled my eyes, because there was major incongruity to her words, to my situation, but also I wanted to roll my eyes from a doctrinal perspective. She couldn't have been more wrong.

Speaker 2:

Now, I was in no mood to argue that day, so I just kind of smiled and waited for my name to be called to get our prescription and get out of there. But deep down later on I wish I would have said something, because I knew firsthand that my little girl, who had just turned one, had a sin nature, just like I did. I also knew that my newborn had the same nature in him. We just hadn't seen a lot of it yet. I knew there was no magical day somewhere between birth and age two, that suddenly, out of the blue, children turn from little angels to little sinners. The reason Autumn would throw a little one-year-old tantrum when she couldn't get to her sippy cup is the same reason I throw a little fit in my mind when I don't feel like being flexible, when plans change suddenly or when David does something I don't like.

Speaker 3:

Well, tracy, that's a great way to introduce a new kind of ommometer that we're going to be introducing to all of you today. You've heard of speedometers and pedometers. Well, how about the happy ommeter? We spend all day, every day, trying to get that gauge to read full. Now, whether we're one or 81 years old, we have a measuring system that literally rules our day, and if our day or the people in our day don't measure up, one of two things will most likely happen First of all, we'll expend everything we have, all the time, all the energy, to reach our goals. Or, number two, we give up on the effort, we hit reset on our happy-o-meter and we pick up a new way. We think we'll get the gauge to read full.

Speaker 2:

I hope that little anecdote about me and my kids and the little old lady has wet your whistle for our broadcast today. We are in part 11 of our Bible for Marriage series. I guess you could name this one the happy-o-meter, but it's really the parables of Jesus for marriage, depending on who you ask.

Speaker 2:

Jesus gave somewhere around 40 parables in the New Testament and they don't deal specifically with our marriages but how they apply. Yes, they even have to do with our happy o meters. So in study and preparation for this teaching today, we saw a theme or a thread, if you will, running through about a third of the parables that Jesus gave us. We see a master or a father or a king who holds out to his son or servant or stranger something worth having. We see the recipient of the gift or the invitation measure that gift up against his own happy o-meter and if it doesn't fit, one of two things happens the gift is rejected and as a result, unbeknownst to him, there are steep consequences. Or the gift is received and as a result, the person lets God redefine his life or you could say, reset the happy-o-meter. We'll see today, as we look at several parables, that Jesus uses his teaching to redefine our preconceived ideas about life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Speaker 3:

We were watching a show the other day about the wild in Africa and we're born into this world and there's this instant instinct to fight and just struggle to survive. And maybe that's a good thing when you're a newborn tiger and you need to cry out and let your mom know you're hungry. Now for humans, along with that God-given instinct to survive, is an inborn selfish nature that from day one in the hospital we were pre-programmed to sinful selfishness.

Speaker 2:

Not tigers, though, right.

Speaker 3:

No, that's humans.

Speaker 2:

Okay, basically, what David is saying is that we are not building God's kingdom, we're building our own kingdom. How can I make me happy today? Now, if you read through the four gospels in the New Testament, you're going to hear Jesus say something over and over. It's another theme. Jesus says things like this your kingdom come, your will be done. The kingdom of God is like a treasure hidden in a field which a man found and hid again, and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. Jesus says my kingdom is not of this world. Jesus says the kingdom of God is at hand. The king will say to those on his right come, you who are blessed of my father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you. We hear about the kingdom again and again and again Throughout Jesus' time on earth. He was constantly drawing people into that, drawing their hearts onto the narrow path, his path, the only path that's going to lead to eternal life.

Speaker 3:

His goal was very straight and narrow, but it was sure and pure, and many of us who've received Christ as our Savior have received that gift. But he doesn't want us to stop there. His gift will actually lead us away from ourselves to a total surrender to him, to not just bring us into his kingdom for eternity, but to actually change our hearts so that we now live to build his kingdom here today. Now. Jesus was the best kind of teacher. He was so effective because he lived in the light of his father a complete lack of sin to guide us to a holy life. He set aside worldly pleasures in pursuit of the ultimate pleasure unity with God, the Father.

Speaker 3:

That's pretty hard for me to comprehend. He was sinless. It's like trying to explain stewardship to a first grader. In first grade I knew money had value to me, but I didn't understand that it actually could be used against me like as a distraction from Jesus. That's something as an adult I now understand.

Speaker 3:

So we read the Bible and now I understand how Jesus was speaking in parables, that we could understand its concepts, because without it we couldn't apply them in our childlike mindsets.

Speaker 3:

We can walk next to Jesus in the four Gospels Matthew, mark, luke and John, and we can allow him to change our hearts, and it's in this that he actually resets that happy-o-meter we've been talking about. Now, in each of the parables today that we're going to be reading, we're going to see some very short-sighted people, just like me and you, who are thinking that they're going to get something or get away with something by refusing the gift that Jesus is offering. There's an invitation. That's happening. People make decisions. Your spouse makes decisions based upon what they believe that decision will do to their happy-o-meter. In each of these parables today, we're going to see people who chose to accept a gift or an invitation based upon what they believe. So let's jump into our first one. Jesus had just been to a Pharisee's house and he taught this lesson Reach out to the poor, reach out to the needy, the unlovable and great will be your reward.

Speaker 2:

Then Jesus teaches with this parable in Luke 14, the great banquet. He says a certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests.

Speaker 3:

So picture yourself being generous. You've got this moment planned out in your mind. Now, for me, I'm thinking about the weeks leading up to when I proposed to you, tracy. In this generous season, your desire is for your spouse to know how deeply they're loved. Your desire is to utilize what's within your reach to shower love in an impactful way, and in my case, well, I bought the ring. I planned a date night. I considered out exactly what I was going to say to win your heart.

Speaker 2:

So you're the master of the house in this situation.

Speaker 3:

Well, I am right now.

Speaker 2:

All right. So at the time of the banquet, the master sent his servants to tell those who had been invited come, for everything is now ready.

Speaker 3:

So are you picturing this generous anticipation that's all aimed at your spouse? The master in this story has gotten. I don't want to steal his thunder, but I want you to be able to relate to how he might be feeling.

Speaker 2:

The next verse says but they, the people invited all alike, began to make excuses. The first said I've just bought a field and I must go and see it, Please excuse me. Another said I've just bought five yoke of oxen and I'm on my way to try them out, please excuse me Still. Another said I just got married so I can't come. The servant came back and reported this to his master.

Speaker 3:

So there's all these distractions, and they are super flimsy. Imagine skipping out a chance to be with the king because you want to go test drive your ox. I mean really. So your good gift is being rejected. Have you ever felt like that in your marriage, where someone chooses something almost like temporary and worthless over something great you've offered them? Now, to be fair, anything I can offer in my marriage is limited by me. My gift is small compared to God's, so I want us to shift gears from considering ourselves as the master to rather offering a gift as the servant, working on behalf of your master to give away his gift.

Speaker 2:

The parable reads Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.

Speaker 3:

So we see that even in the face of rejection we can respond biblically. We can look for our spouse's need even beyond their own ability to see it.

Speaker 2:

Sir. The servant said what you ordered has been done, but there is still room. Then the master told his servant go out to the roads and country lanes and make them come in so that my house will be full.

Speaker 3:

So let's put this parable fully in the context of your marriage. Which one would your spouse identify with? Would your spouse recognize the value of the invitation or would they make excuse to the master? I'm not talking about your gift. I'm talking about Jesus' gift. In other words, what is your spouse's relationship like with their Heavenly Father? Does she respond to the Lord's voice? Is she one of His children?

Speaker 3:

You know it's kind of crazy, but many couples that we work with they're not able to actually answer that question. You know they might know their wife's background of growing up in a church or heard a story about how their husband applied a biblical truth in some tense situation in their path, but they never actually truly know where their spouse is at spiritually today. Now this is my challenge for you today. If just you and I were sitting together, could you tell me about the day that your spouse gave their life to the Lord? Could you tell me what led them to make the choice? Could you share where they were and what stage of life they were in? Maybe who else was around them? If I was to sit down and talk with your spouse one-on-one and ask them about your salvation story, would they be left in an awkward silence?

Speaker 2:

I love the persistence of the master in this parable. He wants people in need to accept his gift. And my point is this God is asking you to have his heart for your spouse. If you don't know where they're at spiritually, questions show that you care. Take time to know your spouse. If you don't know where they're at spiritually, questions show that you care. Take time to know your spouse.

Speaker 2:

We often miss our real needs. We often miss our spouse's real needs or our marriage's real needs. We think we've got more important things to do, We've got a new walk, so maybe we just got married, so we're serving our marriage before we serve our God. This parable shows us our Heavenly Father's heart. He doesn't wish that any would perish, like it says in 2 Peter, 3, 9, but that all would come to repentance. You'll notice in this parable that the master doesn't go out himself and do the invitation he sends his servant. The servant willingly goes into the dark corners of the city, probably places he hadn't planned on going, but he's got a special message to deliver, one that's worth risking his life for.

Speaker 2:

You, my friend, are the servant. Your spouse may be the lowly one who is poor, who doesn't have what she needs to sustain spiritual life. Your husband may be the cripple who God wants you to invite to the feast. No, not someone who needs a literal wheelchair, but someone whose hurts, habits and hangups are tripping him up and his sins are making him fall. Your spouse may even be so far out on the country lane that she seems too far gone. And that's our other challenge to you. You are the servant called to seek out the lost. Whether your spouse has Christ as their savior or not, you are still called to go and find them and bring them to that great feast that the king has prepared. And that really is where we have to start salvation. And if they are a Christian, they are saved. Then discipling them to answer the call of the master, to see what bounty awaits them when they continually, daily, answer the master's call.

Speaker 3:

The next parable is one that many of us probably also recognize. It gets taught often in church because it can be applied in so many different aspects of our lives. This is a teaching from Jesus on stewardship, and that's a lesson we all need to learn. It could be that we need to learn it about how we manage our money, how we manage our time, how we manage resources, spiritual gifts, talents, relationships. I could go on and on Well here on Vows to Keep. Of course, we're going to apply this principle to the stewardship of our marriage relationship.

Speaker 2:

The passage is Matthew 25, where three servants are given talents. Let's go through it together Again. It will be like a man going on a journey who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents, of money, to another two talents and to another one talent, each according to his ability.

Speaker 3:

So how about you? Are you holding on to five talents, or two, or one? Whose talents are they actually? How about your spouse? Maybe? Consider your son, your daughter. How many talents are in your area of influence? If we're Christians, we've been given some spiritual money in the bank, so to speak.

Speaker 2:

Then the story continues. The master left on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work, and he gained five more.

Speaker 3:

Now, as a dad, I am just picturing this right. We just left our kids at home so we could go record this, and what will they do in our absence?

Speaker 2:

Good question. I think we'll find out pretty soon.

Speaker 3:

So also the one with two talents gained two more so maybe this is our younger child, a little bit more limited in her capabilities, but still being faithful but the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.

Speaker 2:

After a long time, the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. Master Master, he said, you entrusted me with five talents. See, I've gained five more. And the master says well done, good and faithful servant, you've been faithful with few things. I'll put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness. Now the same thing happened with the guy who had the two talents, david.

Speaker 3:

Now think about the last week that you've had as a couple Maybe we've had 10 when were you able to multiply them and actually use them to build God's kingdom? I can't always answer that positively, though.

Speaker 2:

Then there's the guy who had the one talent. Let's see what happens, Master, he said I knew that you were a hard man, harvesting where you'd not sown, gathering where you'd not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here's what belongs to you.

Speaker 3:

Now, if you're only able to give back what you've been given, this is you, and I think a lot of us are actually satisfied by being able to just hand back to God what he's given to us. Sometimes I look at others and it's so easy to see their capabilities. I look at my kids. They have been given so much by God, but how often do we teach our kids that their talents aren't for building their kingdom? How often do we teach them to be ambitious with what God has given them for his kingdom? Listen to what happens next.

Speaker 2:

His master replied you wicked, lazy servant. So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I've not scattered seed. Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the banker so that when I returned, I would have received it back with interest. Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has 10 talents, for everyone who has will be given more and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have even what he has will be taken from him and throw that worthless servant outside into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Speaker 3:

Wow, I mean, that is so staggering.

Speaker 2:

Definitely.

Speaker 3:

What is the difference between the third servant and the first two? Well, the third servant doesn't see purpose in his master's success, do you? When was the last time you took Christ's love for your spouse and multiplied it by giving it away freely, without any strings attached? I want you to really think about this. When was that last time that they received something without strings?

Speaker 3:

In the last parable, we talked about the deflation that comes from rejection and that makes it even harder to give without strength. So we've got to push back on that. We've got to use mercy and invite our spouse to Jesus with our life, and then we go one step farther. Here's why your spouse receiving just a gushing over amount of love that's being multiplied in their life. Well, they are so much more powerful in the world for Jesus Christ than that same spouse who's in a weak and starving place, who doesn't have you pouring Jesus into their life, walking side by side with them.

Speaker 3:

A few days ago, tracy, we started our day by being very physically close, and nothing in that day could get me down. In fact, just before we recorded this show, you kissed me passionately. Now, even with all the mistakes I've made in this recording today which, of course, for anyone who's listening have all been edited out. Nothing can get me down, because love and action multiplies the effectiveness of your spouse in this world for Christ. Using God's love in your marriage to show your spouse your love and the watching world seeing God's love, that's how you double the effect. So what was the third servant's excuse for not investing his talent? It was fear. So look at how the master responds to this. Well, he took away what little the guy has. How can your spouse benefit from the talents that God has given you? How would your marriage change if you took the marriage talents and sowed a good crop for future harvest?

Speaker 2:

We've got time for one more parable today. Matthew, chapter 20, the workers in the vineyard. For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and send them into his vineyard, and about the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them you also go and work in my vineyard, I'll pay you whatever's right. So they went. He went out again the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. And guess what he did? He went out the 11th hour as well, still finding others standing around. He asked them why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing? Because no one has hired us. They answered. So he said to them you also go and work in my vineyard.

Speaker 2:

When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman call the workers, pay them their wages. Beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first, the workers who were hired about the 11th hour came and they each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more, but each one of them also received a denarius. You can see they're already thinking this is unfair. They begin to grumble against the landowner. These men who were hired last, they said, worked only an hour and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day. But he answered one of them friend, I'm not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you en?

Speaker 3:

In short, this is a story about you and I. Salvation is the gift we're given, and some of us have a whole lifetime to be faithful and serve as a Christian. Some, though, they're going to make a deathbed conversion and literally praise God for mere minutes before receiving their eternal salvation. What is your response when someone tells you about a marriage which is about to die? That says a lot about what you're going to do. If your marriage is ever in a position where it could end, would you demand that you're treated fairly, even if it costs the life of your marriage? You see, some of the most effective marriage testimonies I know of were about a spouse who received a reward of forgiveness when they had very little reason to deserve it. So what's the takeaway? Be prepared to receive the prize only because Jesus is generous, not because you deserve it. Could you give to your spouse who's been less diligent in your marriage, or would you follow the way of the world and demand you got what you foolishly think you deserve?

Speaker 2:

In every single one of these parables we've shared with you today on Vows to Keep Radio, there is a master or a king and there is a servant. God is the master, we are the servant, and our goal isn't it to hear well done, good and faithful servant. Come and share in your master's happiness. There is such a gift and a reward in hearing that and in answering that. Sometimes, when we hear his voice, we aren't going to want to listen. We've got our own agenda. We've got our own happy-o-meters all set for the day. We think we know what's right. We think we know how to measure success. In order to move forward from here and learn from Jesus in these parables, for our lives to look different, we need to look back just a bit and we need to look at our here and now. If we're serious about living our lives for our master and answering that invitation, we need to start with this question to ourselves how do we measure success? We can answer that by looking at what we spend our time and our efforts on. And watch your toes on this one, because you may inadvertently get a couple of them stepped on.

Speaker 2:

Let me give you a few examples. If your kids are involved in every sport of every season of every year, then you might measure success by performance If you're parked in front of the TV or the computer every evening or every chance you get. You may measure success by how much downtime you can squeeze out of the day If your phone and all that it offers is never more than a foot away from you at any given moment. You may measure success by popularity or just staying busy If you're totally into working out excessively and eating absolutely perfectly. You may measure success by the control you have over your own body. If you don't like your husband's opinion and direction in your life, you may measure success by how independent you can remain from him. If you have a sin in your life that your spouse isn't aware of, you probably measure success by your ability to keep it a secret. What we value in situations is what we pursue, and we are often pursuing a temporary gain in spite of being offered long-term success.

Speaker 1:

Vows to Keep is a not-for-profit marriage ministry designed to bring God's encouraging truth to the marriages of our area. If you are unable to donate your time or abilities, but would like to help support Vows to Keep financially, visit VowsToKeepcom and click on the donate link.

Speaker 2:

Fiction isn't just for entertainment, even though one of my favorite things to do is read a good book. Fiction with a purpose allows you to journey with the characters and come out on the other side changed more into the image of Christ. And that's exactly what I want for you as you read my trilogy Roots Run Deep. These historical romances are fun and fast-paced, but I also know that as you turn that last page, your heart will be changed because you'll know more deeply your Heavenly Father's heart for you. Go to VowsToKeepcom for all the details.

Speaker 1:

This program is sponsored by Vows to Keep of Zanesfield, Ohio.

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David Sellars

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Tracy Sellars

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