Wisdom for Marriage: The 10 Commandments (pt. 2) :: [Ep. 242]

Wisdom for Marriage: The 10 Commandments (pt. 2) :: [Ep. 242]

What if we told you the 10 Commandments provide vital marriage advice? 

It’s true! 

They are vital to a healthy marriage. Not only because they offer guidance on how to live but also because they help make us aware of our need for a Savior. This week on The VowsToKeep Marriage Podcast, we will explore this mystery even more. 

Come join us today!

Chapters

• 0:04 Ten Commandments for Biblically Healthy Marriages
• 11:08 Rest, Worship, and Unity
• 23:32 Exploring the Ten Commandments Together

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy Sellers. The mission of Vows to Keep is to help couples develop a biblically healthy marriage through the application of God's Word and a deeper relationship with Him. They desire to help you and your spouse grow closer to each other and closer to the heart of God's design for your marriage. Now here's David and Tracy with today's broadcast design for your marriage.

Speaker 2: 0:26

Now here's David and Tracy. With today's broadcast, we are David and Tracy Sellers and we have made vows to keep. Vows to keep.

Speaker 3: 0:32

You didn't like my vows to keep.

Speaker 2: 0:33

Not really David. Today we're gonna talk about the Ten Commandments for Marriage. This is part of our Bible for Marriage series, but I got to start out with this little story about when I was a little girl like a really little girl and I would get into trouble.

Speaker 3: 0:47

That never happened.

Speaker 2: 0:48

You probably have stories about how your parents disciplined you.

Speaker 3: 0:50

Yes.

Speaker 2: 0:51

Well, my parents quickly learned what method was going to work best for me, what is going to be most effective, and I'm not going to go into all the ones that didn't work, but I will tell you, as a four or five-year-old, that, telling me I had to spend five or 10 minutes in my room alone. Oh, my goodness, what if I was in there and my mom gave my sister's ice cream? What if I missed out? What if my dad decided to head to the hardware store, like he did a lot of days? He built houses for a living and I missed the opportunity to ride along with him. Absolute torture.

Speaker 2: 1:20

I wanted to see what was going on and, david, I wanted to be right in the middle of it. And as adults, I think we can be the same way. We want it all, we don't want to lack anything that could possibly be offered to us, and if we do miss out, we're going to do our best to fill that void with our own ability to do so. And maybe that's where your marriage is at today, as a listener maybe you've recognized that you've missed the boat somewhere.

Speaker 3: 1:46

You see some gaping holes in your marriage, maybe some areas of missed blessing. I was just talking to the husband this morning and that was one of the things he shared. But God's word is full of promises, a blessing for people who put their faith in him. Your marriage is set up to receive God's hand of blessing, even if you've maybe been receiving some loving discipline at the same time as facing some consequences of sin, a little bit like you when you were sent to your room as a kid.

Speaker 3: 2:15

Well, here's how we know this. In Luke, chapter 11, jesus says this even more blessed are those who hear the word of God and put it into practice. And that last part is really key, because many of who hear the word of God and put it into practice and that last part is really key because many of us hear the word of God and do nothing with it- Kind of like me.

Speaker 2: 2:32

I needed to put into practice what my mom and dad were trying to teach me, even when it was difficult. They were sending the message that I would get the benefits of everything I wanted if I chose to do the right thing, if I obeyed them. And God's word tells us that we'll be blessed when we do what it says. But thankfully, so thankfully we don't have to do this by our own power. Philippians 2.13 says for God is working in us, giving us the desire and the power to do what pleases him. So I got to ask the question David, what pleases him? Recently I've been reading through the gospels and I'm reminded of this passage where Jesus says you show me that you love me by obeying my commandments.

Speaker 3: 3:21

It's amazing how simple and yet complicated that that might seem to us. The commandments of God are, even today, relevant for us. Mark 12, jesus says this the most important commandment is this listen, o Israel, the Lord, your God, is the one and only Lord, and you must love the Lord, your God, with all of your heart. And I wish we could stop and just dwell on what the verse means up into this point, talking about how your heart relates. But it goes on with all of your soul, all of your mind and all of your strength. And the second is equally important love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater than these.

Speaker 2: 3:54

He keeps it short and sweet for us, doesn't he? Thank goodness, I work well, david, with short and sweet.

Speaker 3: 3:59

Well, god certainly spells it out in black and white for us, and this is what God really wants us to be paying attention to. He wants us to recognize him, and only him, as the only God and then love him with all that we have, and then we should let that spill over in the form of love and care for others. His commands are just as short and sweet as that. Today on Vows Keep Radio. We're in part five of our Bible for Marriage series and we're going to take a look a little deeper at the Ten Commandments today with an eye on how they relate to the greatest commandment. When it comes to knowing the Ten Commandments, we can get a little bit like the Pharisees. We get all wrapped up in following the letter of the law and we miss the essence of the law, we miss the intended purpose. And look at how you read the scriptures and you can see Jesus points this sort of thing out to the Pharisees all the time. Let it not be so of you and I.

Speaker 2: 4:53

I think a lot of us tend to hang on to those old religious ways, the old law, wanting to have God be pleased with us because we're doing all these right things. But Jesus reminds us that he came to fulfill the law, and that's our purpose here today on Vows to Keep Radio. We want to see the heart that God has behind the things he's asked us to do, the reasons by which we can still apply what he says in his word to our lives and to our marriages today. David and I have been married for 17 years going on 18, and we want to be blessed in our marriage. We know that that blessing comes when we fulfill the law of Christ by keeping the great commandment, and that's why we're talking with you today as well. We want that for your marriage and it is possible for your marriage marriage and it is possible for your marriage.

Speaker 3: 5:48

This can be a scary thought. I know full well my inability to keep the whole law, and I know from the book of James that if I keep the whole law and yet stumble on just one point, I'm guilty of breaking the whole law. I can so relate with Romans 7. It says I've discovered this principle of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart, but there's another power that is at war within my mind. It's this power that makes me a slave to sin. That is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person am I. He says who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? See you and I can know the right thing to do, but we still have got that internal war that's described. But you know what Jesus has won? We say with Paul in verse 25 thank God. The answer is in Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Speaker 3: 6:44

Galatians 3 says something really interesting. I'm going to pick it up in verse 10. It says but those who depend on the law to make them right with God are under his curse. For the scripture says cursed is everyone who does not observe and obey all the commands that are written in God's book of law. Verse 11 continues. So it's clear that no one can be made right with God by trying to keep the law, for the scriptures say it's through faith that a righteous person has life. This way of faith is very different from the way of the law, which says it is through obeying the law that a person has life. So it's a sobering thought.

Speaker 3: 7:26

If God knew that we'd be unable, completely incapable, of meeting the law's demands, why did he give it? Have you ever thought about it in that way? Galatians 3.19 says why, then, was the law given? It was given alongside the promise to show people their sins. Verse 24 says the law was our guardian until Christ came. And I think it could be summed down to this God gave the law to convict us of our inability to actually keep the law. But that became the pointer for our need for Jesus Christ as our Savior. We actually receive freedom from the law by putting our faith in Christ. That's what we find in Galatians 3.22. But the scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin. So we receive God's promise of freedom only by believing in Christ Jesus. So does that mean that the Ten Commandments that were given before Christ are now obsolete? Antiquated Tracy.

Speaker 2: 8:23

No, we are not under the Old Testament law, but we are under the law of Christ and we are obeying Jesus' command to love our God with our everything and to love our neighbor as ourselves, as we bear one another's burdens. That's fulfilling the law of Christ. That's what Galatians 6.2 says. So we're going to take time today to study the Ten Commandments. But Galatians 6, 2 says so we're going to take time today to study the 10 commandments. We're going to take time to look at what Jesus taught, to look at his ministry, because, throughout Matthew, mark, luke and John, jesus brings back into play nine of the 10 commandments that were given in the Old Testament. He's teaching his disciples Today, he's teaching us that the commandments given to Moses are still relevant. They aren't to be thrown out. In fact, david, I would say on the contrary, they cohesively mesh with one another, seamlessly. Try this on for size.

Speaker 2: 9:13

To obey the Ten Commandments is to obey the Great Commandment. To obey the Great Commandment is to obey the Ten Commandments. They go hand in hand. Last week, on Vows to Keep Radio, we discussed the first three of the Ten Commandments and we applied them directly to our marriage. If you missed that broadcast, you can listen online at VowsToKeepcom. We talked about how Number one, you shall have no other gods before me. Number two, you shall not make idols. And number three, you shall not take the name of the Lord, your God, in vain. So today we're going to jump right into command. Number four Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy.

Speaker 3: 9:50

This is the one commandment that Jesus actually didn't specifically address in the Gospels, which makes it kind of interesting, and there are certain theological preferences that many people have concerning this commandment, and you know what? I have them too. The interpretation of the command is really quite clear. It's an edict to rest, to focus on God with your heart. The application of it and its relevance is one that you're going to find many different interpretations on. Some people would say, hey, this is meant to be done on Saturday. Others would say, well, this is meant to be done on Sunday.

Speaker 3: 10:24

I remember reading a book as a young child about a family in the 1800s who observed the Sabbath by literally not doing anything in their home. They would sit almost all day long in almost absolute silence, doing very little to prepare meals, to interact with each other, all because they wanted to focus on the Lord. Well, the author, of course, pointed out something that we all know much like the Pharisees in the olden days would have done. They were great at fulfilling the very letter of this law as they had interpreted it, but of course, they all dreaded it. They weren't focused on the Lord, they were just relieved when the day was over. I'm not proposing that we go there. Those are the folks that today in time would say, hey, plugging in the toaster to make breakfast is too much of a distraction from God. I don't want to get into all that, but I want to make sure that we highlight what this could mean in your marriage today, no matter who you are, do you and your spouse take time just to be together in idleness? There's so much restoration that can happen here. It's all about taking time to reflect on what God is doing and then being still before him together.

Speaker 3: 11:38

I can remember a few years ago when our kids were in multiple different sports activities at the same time and what we found ourselves doing was literally running from event to event to event to event, from this obligation to that obligation and, of course, doing what we do today, with vows to keep counseling with couples and maintaining multiple jobs. All of these things created a crazy cycle for our family, and literally Sundays were not something which we were observing any kind of rest in. Instead, it was a day to get things done. Well, the Sabbath is not for that. It is intended that we would rest, that we would worship and that those things would result in unity with our Lord and Savior and each other. Let me break that down a little bit.

Speaker 3: 12:22

First of all, let's talk about rest, because it is clearly defined by the commandment itself, and God gave us the ultimate of examples when here he goes and creates the world in six really busy days and then rests on the seventh. Maybe your pride is like mine, where I want to conquer, I want to do, I want to accomplish every day and for me to sit still feels like a waste. It's almost like I don't need what God needed, I don't need to do what God asked, and there's God patiently in heaven going. Eh, wrong answer. There are certainly things that can only come when we rest, and that's what God was trying to show us. There's a calmness that comes through being together and having no agenda, no purpose other than being together and being still in the presence of God. When you do that in the presence with others, it is actually very restorative.

Speaker 3: 13:16

Now, when we run our lives at Red line, all the time, we burn out, and maybe you're like my family in a season where you're just constantly buzzing from one thing to the next, to the next to the next, with no stillness, busy with a bunch of really good things, but you're losing focus on the best. I bet we've all bet those kinds of people that in their tiredness, they become someone who loses their testimony. Literally, what you hear from them is someone who's complaining, and then, ultimately, someone who becomes worn out to the point that all they can talk about, all that they are willing to really do, is me, and there's high probability that maybe one of you is more driven than the other to. To someone who's driven like me, rest becomes me time. So while you guys rest, I'm going to go do something that I want to do. I don't need rest, I need to accomplish. I need to realize and maybe you're like me that rest is not just sleep. Rest involves your body, your mind and your emotions, and it's tempting to let media be your rest, but you know what, friends, that's not restful either.

Speaker 3: 14:25

The purpose of this command is to be still enough to hear God's voice, to remember what he's done and to focus on him, to worship him, and I think in our generation, in our kids' generation, this is becoming a more important concept than ever before. We've made our kids into a generation that needs constant entertainment. To sit still is considered a waste. Go to any restaurant today in America and look at our children that are less than about 10 years old. Almost every one of them is going to have a device in their hands, missing out on the opportunity to have meaningful conversation as a family about who God is, about what God is doing today.

Speaker 3: 15:04

Now in our lives, in our marriages and in our families with our kids, all the way from young to old, can we sit still and be united with each other in worship of God? Because that's exactly what this command is all about let's look and see what he's doing. This is a concept that's well worth our attention. Husbands and fathers, maybe you're saying to yourself I don't know how to get started. Well, let me tell you how I got started. Tracy and I would lay down on the couch and I just basically say come here, let me hold you, and we would do that for like an hour. We would rest our hearts and our minds together, not sleeping, but just being together.

Speaker 2: 15:44

It's good to do that, just as a couple. It's also good to do that by ourselves. David recognized and needed me a couple weekends ago. He saw that I needed to rest, and no, I didn't go lock myself in a room and sleep all day. I went and spent time with the Lord. I got quiet before him. That was a time where my heart could rest, just being in his presence and listening to what he wanted to say to me, and those times can be productive as we pray about the things that are weighing us down. It gives us a chance to cast our cares on God and actually get some peace. Resting before God like that is hard, though it only happens when the cell phone isn't in my hand. The iPad, david, isn't nearby. You've taken the laptop away right.

Speaker 2: 16:28

It's just me and God. That can be a time of rest. I think busyness and rest are diametrically opposed to one another, don't you? Because it's in my busyness that I don't realize what is actually weighing me down. I haven't taken time to evaluate what burdens I'm carrying that I need to hand over to God. And yeah, we all know that we carry some of these stresses in our lives and sometimes we wish things were different. But our busyness doesn't allow us to recognize what's truly at the heart of the issue. What's at the root here? Why am I stressed out, why am I carrying around these burdens? And that's one of the reasons that God asks us to rest, to take a Sabbath. It's in our rest that we can worship God for the things that he's doing, the things he wants to do in our hearts, the things he wants to do in our marriage, and even understanding before him, those things that need to go, those things we need to hand over to him. Like David said, there really are three parts to a Sabbath, and the second one being worship.

Speaker 3: 17:27

That's right. While we may not be legally bound to this, the intention is that our eyes are on him, that we actually take the time to worship God, that we set time aside for that. We can see that worship in a corporate church setting well, that's a very unifying thing to anyone who goes to church. The same can be said in your marriage. To worship together puts a husband and a wife's attention and focus in the exact same place. It brings them to that place of unity. If your schedule is set up in such a way that worship is not a part of your life, well, you're going to see that that just doesn't seem to happen. You've got to actually plan for it. You've got to make it a priority. I think that's what God is asking of us when he asks us to keep him number one. Let him dictate your life, not the calendar, not all the things that you might feel that you need to accomplish, and you know what You'll find. It's easy to find time to rest, to find time to worship him. And out of this comes the third piece of this command, and that's unity. It's unity with God and unity with your spouse If this Sabbath concept is not something that's a reality for you and your family.

Speaker 3: 18:36

I want to challenge you to really give it some thought, to think about what this would really take, what things need to change in order to put into practice a day of rest in your life. Does this mean that you need to actually rearrange your busy schedule to make sure that you and your family go to church together? Does this mean that you're going to pick a day where you plan to connect with God and others, that you would reach out to them and maybe see where their needs are, rather than catch up on your chores, the errands or the things that you've got going on in your life? The effort that you put into implementing the Sabbath in your marriage is going to yield a blessing, and it's going to require that you sacrifice other things in your life, potentially good things. Before we move on to the fifth commandment, I want to close the fourth one out by saying don't let really good things prevent you from doing the absolute best things.

Speaker 2: 19:34

Before we wrap up here on Vows to Keep Radio, today we want to talk about the fifth commandment from Exodus, chapter 20, which says honor your father and mother, then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord, your God, is giving you. So, before we unpack this beautiful command, allow me to say a word to those who have not had the joy of being reared by godly parents.

Speaker 3: 19:55

Or maybe you're like me. My mom chose to walk in a season with a lot of lies and a lot of darkness from those lies. It cost everyone in our family very dearly.

Speaker 2: 20:04

That kind of pain can be severe, because the relationship between parents with their kids is meant to be positive. It's meant to be nurturing and wholesome. Nonetheless, though, there are many who have been hurt deeply because of the sins of their parents, and it costs them deeply too. So how does a believer carry out God's command here?

Speaker 3: 20:26

I'd like to suggest that there's about six things here that we need to consider in our relationship with our parents. First of all, we need to commit to pray for them.

Speaker 2: 20:31

I think, as we do that, david, we're definitely honoring them.

Speaker 3: 20:35

We need to keep on trying to help them, even though it can be very difficult at times to know where the boundary should be between them and their opinions on things and you and your opinions, and how those intersect with each other as you're trying to make decisions for and with them.

Speaker 2: 20:53

Another thing to consider would be to model Jesus for them. Basically, as we follow God's commandments, we're becoming to look more like Christ, and maybe your parents need to see that.

Speaker 3: 21:04

The fourth is to exercise restraint in front of them, and that is one of the greatest ways you can show honor and respect to anyone is to withhold, maybe your opinion, especially a harsh opinion that you might have in a time and place where you know that it won't be productive, that it's not God honoring. Maybe it's a preference that you're have in a time and place where you know that it won't be productive, that it's not God honoring. Maybe it's a preference that you're going to give up in order to let them have theirs.

Speaker 2: 21:24

And if your parents have done some things that have hurt you, a way you can honor them is to forgive them, and the Lord can empower you to do this.

Speaker 3: 21:33

That's so true, tracy. Well, the last tip that I would give you about how to honor your father and your mother in a time and in a way that's very, very hard is to recognize that, if your parents are not believers, get on your knees before the Lord for them, on their behalf, pouring out your heart to be used by the Lord in their lives, so they see God in you, that they are attracted to God by watching your love for them. God gives this command in Genesis that when a couple becomes one under God, when they get married, they're actually to leave and to cleave, and I think that this can be something that's so important, especially for a new family.

Speaker 2: 22:17

We are to become a new family unit, not that we're no longer connected to them, but we are not to remain tied to our parents, tied to our in-laws. Instead, though, we are to honor them in the way that we treat them. We are to honor them in the way that we take care of them and care for them, and even the way we talk about them when they're not around us.

Speaker 3: 22:43

God designed that relationship between children and parents to be some of the most vital of all human relationships, and this is why I think he spoke so much about honoring them.

Speaker 2: 22:48

And honoring your father and your mother can also, for many couples, mean stepping up to help your parents as they age. If you read this command again from Exodus 20, it says, of course, to honor your father and your mother. But there's a promise that comes with this. God says if you do this, you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord, your God, is giving you. There's a blessing that comes as we follow this commandment, when we honor our parents while at the same time leaving and cleaving. It works the way it's supposed to, and as we do these things we've talked about that will honor your father and your mother. Your marriage is going to see the blessing, your parents and your in-laws are going to see the blessing, and your children are going to see it modeled in a godly way.

Speaker 1: 23:32

If you have a marriage question, please email questions at vows2keepcom. Vows to Keep will respond to you via email and perhaps use it on the air.

Speaker 3: 23:42

Well, tracy, we only knocked down two more of the Ten Commandments today, but I hope that you, as listeners, have been able to enjoy this in the same way that we have really reflecting on what it is that God is conveying to us. Next week, we're going to continue the process examining the Ten Commandments in a way that allows us to fulfill the Great Commandment with our spouse.

Speaker 1: 24:03

Like what you heard today on Vows to Keep Radio. Listen to more life-changing broadcasts at VowsToKeepcom. Vows to Keep is supported by a team which includes biblical coaches, writers and pastoral advisors. If you have a desire to serve marriages in your community, we would love to hear from you. Vows to Keep is a not-for-profit marriage ministry designed to bring God's encouraging truth to the marriages of our area. As a not-for-profit organization, our commitment to Christlike marriages includes providing much-needed services, regardless of a couple's financial ability to offset the cost of Vows to Keep operations. If you are unable to donate your time or abilities, but would like to help support Vows to Keep financially, visit VowsToKeepcom and click on the Donate link. This program is sponsored by Vows to Keep of Zanesfield, Ohio.